Alright, so I have been off the radar again for a couple weeks now, but between work and trying to find a social life I had been burning both ends of my candle. Trust me. I am usually an 8-9 hour kind of gal. But today I woke up from a 13 hour snooze. Do not get me wrong, it felt amazing and I feel rejuvenated. And for the most part, I have learned my lesson.
However, that does not really solve the problem of me not having any "single" friends. And no, I am not referencing guys in general for dating. I am stating that with my new status, I kinda need some different friends to hang out with sometimes. I still love my family (friends are family to me), but I also need to find some people that are on the same playing field as me. I am not looking for "mom-and-me-play-dates" but I am also not looking for "It-is-so-loud-and-so-late-club-nights". I know, I am sounding pretty old right about now and that is also something else... I need to find people that have the same ideas and are around the same age as me. It would be cool to hang out with 21 year olds... NOT! No offense to my sister or anyone else that is around that age that may read this, but I think I have done my time in Night clubs. I like to chill at home, with a glass of wine, by a fire... I do realize that there is my problem in the first place, but where would I even begin to make "Single" friends? I have been in a couple for way too long to know where to start.
Sleep is not the only thing that I have been slacking on though. I have been slacking on a little bit of everything that I had made into my "routine"(for the lack of better words). So I am restarting the 21-Day Sugar Detox. I fell of that band wagon and smacked and stumbled into "OH NO LAND" Trust me when I say that. And without going into too much detail lets just say that I feel fluffy for the first time in MONTHS and I do NOT like it. I do not like the bloating feeling. It makes me feel like I belong in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. (oh yeah... I went there).
However, I have not been watching TV as often (perhaps not having random channels easily accessible any longer is a blessing) but I have been reading. Oh... how I love books. It is so much better than watching something. I have enough drama in my life that I do not need to feel the anxiety of "fake drama". I would rather lavish in written words and allow my imagination to paint a picture of what the author is saying. Just me though. It is a splendid feeling how words can stir any emotion that you may interpret or the author put in there.
So, 21-Day Sugar Detox commences.... yet again...starting........NOW!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Notes to Self
People asked about you today,
I shrugged and said "I don't know".
I thought about explaining it,
But I chose to let it go.
I thought about the past,
As I continued on my way.
I am thankful for the lessons
That I now know today.
Even though things got messy
And hateful words were said,
The memories of you and me
Will play in my heart and head.
As I pick up the pieces that were shattered on the floor,
There is nothing that I want from you anymore.
As I filter through these emotions of mine,
I smile through it all
Acting as though I am fine.
It may take awhile for me
To get on my feet and try,
But once I do
I will find that true someone
Who will not make me cry
---That being me.
My poem to me
No one will love me the way I need to be loved the way I can love me. No one will accept me the way I can accept myself. People will look at me and judge me for my appearance, behavior, and emotions. But I will never have to ask myself for forgiveness. I will never have to ask myself to give me attention or time. It is hard for me to be vulnerable with just anyone. However, I cannot hide from myself.
I just need to learn to stop being so hard on myself. I need to learn that failure sometimes is a good thing. I will put myself out there and I will be shunned or rejected. I need not let it bother me as much as it has in the past. I need to learn that along with success, failures will come along the way. If you are truly my friend, I will either know it automatically or I will find out along the way. For those that may hurt me, I need to learn how to forgive and move on. I should not dwell on what "could have been", "should have been" or "would have been". There may be relationships on the way that start and fizzle out. There may be some that continue to burn.
I am a very hopeful person. I will not fight for attention nor affection from anyone though. I have done that for far too long. Either you want to be around me or you don't. Guys and girls included. I am not a mean person, but I will tell you like it is if you ask. I will apologize when I feel as though I have wronged you, but do not mistake that as a weakness.
I am learning "Life" again. I am dusting myself off. I may be a bit rusty. I may not talk to some friends for a while, but it does not mean that I do not care. Life is too short and too precious to sweat all the small stuff. I am learning.
Forgive. Forget. Love yourself. Don't let people take the control away from you. I may not have been the "right" one or "good enough" in someone else's mind, but I need to at least be that way to me. I am learning that there might be more assholes than real people, but at least I am learning that now.
I will take every failure as a lesson. Every success as a pat on the back or the feeling of going in the right direction. I will put myself out there, even if only to be turned down at the first sign of trouble. It might be hard for me at first, but after enough practice it will not be.
I will eventually make friends that are not mutual and have to share them or be careful of what I say around certain people. I do expect a lot out of my friends, but mainly it is because I expect that out of me. I will be loyal to those who mean something to me... but now I just know not to make it a fault.
I am not a confrontational person. I will avoid it as much as possible, but I will stand up for myself or just walk away. I have fought for something for so long, without realizing that I was the one who held the answers to the questions that I had. I do not need my friends and family to worry about me. No one will have the control that I released from my grips. I will hold onto myself and never lose her again.
I shrugged and said "I don't know".
I thought about explaining it,
But I chose to let it go.
I thought about the past,
As I continued on my way.
I am thankful for the lessons
That I now know today.
Even though things got messy
And hateful words were said,
The memories of you and me
Will play in my heart and head.
As I pick up the pieces that were shattered on the floor,
There is nothing that I want from you anymore.
As I filter through these emotions of mine,
I smile through it all
Acting as though I am fine.
It may take awhile for me
To get on my feet and try,
But once I do
I will find that true someone
Who will not make me cry
---That being me.
My poem to me
No one will love me the way I need to be loved the way I can love me. No one will accept me the way I can accept myself. People will look at me and judge me for my appearance, behavior, and emotions. But I will never have to ask myself for forgiveness. I will never have to ask myself to give me attention or time. It is hard for me to be vulnerable with just anyone. However, I cannot hide from myself.
I just need to learn to stop being so hard on myself. I need to learn that failure sometimes is a good thing. I will put myself out there and I will be shunned or rejected. I need not let it bother me as much as it has in the past. I need to learn that along with success, failures will come along the way. If you are truly my friend, I will either know it automatically or I will find out along the way. For those that may hurt me, I need to learn how to forgive and move on. I should not dwell on what "could have been", "should have been" or "would have been". There may be relationships on the way that start and fizzle out. There may be some that continue to burn.
I am a very hopeful person. I will not fight for attention nor affection from anyone though. I have done that for far too long. Either you want to be around me or you don't. Guys and girls included. I am not a mean person, but I will tell you like it is if you ask. I will apologize when I feel as though I have wronged you, but do not mistake that as a weakness.
I am learning "Life" again. I am dusting myself off. I may be a bit rusty. I may not talk to some friends for a while, but it does not mean that I do not care. Life is too short and too precious to sweat all the small stuff. I am learning.
Forgive. Forget. Love yourself. Don't let people take the control away from you. I may not have been the "right" one or "good enough" in someone else's mind, but I need to at least be that way to me. I am learning that there might be more assholes than real people, but at least I am learning that now.
I will take every failure as a lesson. Every success as a pat on the back or the feeling of going in the right direction. I will put myself out there, even if only to be turned down at the first sign of trouble. It might be hard for me at first, but after enough practice it will not be.
I will eventually make friends that are not mutual and have to share them or be careful of what I say around certain people. I do expect a lot out of my friends, but mainly it is because I expect that out of me. I will be loyal to those who mean something to me... but now I just know not to make it a fault.
I am not a confrontational person. I will avoid it as much as possible, but I will stand up for myself or just walk away. I have fought for something for so long, without realizing that I was the one who held the answers to the questions that I had. I do not need my friends and family to worry about me. No one will have the control that I released from my grips. I will hold onto myself and never lose her again.
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