Lessons:
1) It is up to you to make your path.
2) Just because you are willing to do something for others, don't expect the same in return.
3) People will lie and be deceitful even if you try to have the best intentions.
4) Put faith into yourself. The rest will follow.
5) Being loyal can be a fault.
6) Facebook can be your friend or your foe. There is a lot of information one can get on there.
7) One day I will be enough for just one person. Now just is not that time.
8) It is ok to be vulnerable. You just have to be careful to whom.
9) Everyone comes with baggage. No matter how hard they try to hide it.
10) Loving and losing is not failure. It is just a fact of life.
11) I am insecure. I try to hide it.
12) I am not perfect and that is ok.
13) Being nice is one thing. Sometimes, though, you must speak your mind to avoid being taken advantage of.
14) I am naive and trust WAY too easily.
15) I didn't chose solitude. It chose me.
16) Life doesn't get any easier. You just learn how to handle things differently.
17) Gone are the days of "carefree".
18) Even on my worst days, I don't give up.
19) Don't judge yourself based on others.
20) Make up your own idea of success and live by that.
21) I am not as strong as I look, but I choose to face the world as though I am.
22) Love yourself. Only you can control your happiness.
23) Know when to fight for something or when to walk away.
24) Laugh. Especially at yourself.
25) Find something to be grateful for every day. Big or small.
26) Try something at least once. That way you may be able to formulate your own opinion.
27) Find something that calms you or brings you peace.
28) Live your life. You only get one.
29) No regrets. Everything happens for a reason. It may take a while to know the reason, but it is there.
30) I have high standards and live by strict morals and virtues that others may not be able to live up to.
So there you have it. 30 Lessons. I chose 30 since in two months, I will be turning 30. I thought it rather fitting.
This past year has been full of obstacles that easily could have crushed me. Easily. I have fought with my demons. Inside and out. I have fought with my friends and my family. I have made many acquaintances because some have went just as quickly as they came into my life. I have hurt people just as much as others have hurt me. I have asked people to be honest, when at times I have withheld the truth. I have judged and have been judged. I am learning to forgive myself as well as others. I still have a lot of growing left to do, but I will eventually make it to the other side.
I try to stay positive, but some days it is hard. I try to move forward- make a plan for my life- but some days my mind is blank. While other days, it is filled with random clutter. But I hold on to those lessons I have learned. They are instilled in my brain and heart. Choices I make may not always be the right ones, but at least they are my choices.
I do not think that I am above reproach or that I don't have things to correct, but it would be nice to have a little rest from all my craziness. I have plenty of flaws and faults. These days they just seem to be more abundantly clear. I know that I am my own worst critic. I know that how things play out in my head are not always what happens, but again it would be nice for a little less drama and more peace.
I know that I am on a search to find my place in life. I think that for a while now I have been going at things all wrong. I need to make peace with myself to be able to move forward. I also need to stop looking for answers from other. Only I have the answers to my questions. I need to worry about me and not others view of my worthiness in their lives. I need to stop looking over my shoulder. I just need to live. To breath. To see. To enjoy.
I need to be me. Find the "Me" that I have pushed aside and stay the "Me". I have been at fault for trying to be something I am not. I have tried to fit a mold of someone else's idea. I need to be ok with me being me. Not worrying about asking forgiveness for it. And I need to learn that it is ok to try and fail. Even if it hurts or is a disappointment. Even if it changes my view on something or someone. I have played it safe for a long, long time. I will not hide behind the illusions I create in my mind or want to believe. I will start questioning people's motives. There have been trials and errors in my life. I have been let down, but I keep moving forward. I have been given the same lesson over and over again by different people or areas in my life. I need to learn that lesson. I need to remember that lesson so as I may be able to truly move forward. So as I may be able to learn a new lesson. I am so tired of being let down. I feel as though that is my "norm" right now. Or am I being let down because I keeping looking at the wrong place and at the wrong time? For once it would be nice to be in the right place at the right time. Perhaps one of these days I will. For now though, I will just hold on to my lessons.
